the gar spot

fiction and musings from a gay black dude with delusions above his station

Menu
  • About
  • Privacy Policy
  • SIN AGAINST THE RACE, a novel
Menu
the gar spot fiction and musings from a gay black dude with delusions above his station

Wither the Closet

Posted on July 2, 2012 by gar

Anderson Cooper came out.  Jim Parsons came out.  Ricky Martin came out.  Neil Patrick Harris and George Takei are out all over the place.  Each one of these celebrity outings has weakened the walls of the closet that much more.

In his eloquent coming out statement, Mr. Cooper explains that he always wanted to keep his private life private, for personal and professional reasons.  But then he states:

It’s become clear to me that by remaining silent on certain aspects of my personal life for so long, I have given some the mistaken impression that I am trying to hide something – something that makes me uncomfortable, ashamed or even afraid. This is distressing because it is simply not true.
– Quoted from Andrew Sullivan’s “The Dish”

As Zach Ford rightly states at Think Progress, there is a difference between one’s sexuality and one’s sex life.  We don’t need to know about Anderson Cooper’s sex life.  We don’t need to know about any celebrity’s sex life, though such fluff is often fodder for the tabloids.  But one’s sexuality is part of one’s being.  It might not be as obvious as one’s race — my skin tends to give that away, for example — but it is still just a basic building block like red hair or brown eyes.  Society, however, continues to attach a double standard to sexuality if the sexuality is anything but heterosexual.  One’s sexuality, in other words, is only a private thing when one is not straight.

Think about it.  How many times in casual conversation does one hear, “yeah, my wife/girlfriend and I this” or “my husband/boyfriend and I that,” with the speaker being a member of the opposite sex?  Such statements get dropped without the slightest hesitation.  But make the gender of both parties the same, and then it’s all “Oh I don’t need to know about your private life!” even if all one is talking about is a boring trip to Target.  That’s nonsense.  The double standard also makes causal conversation potentially awkward for queer folks.  Do we tell the truth about going to Target with our significant other last weekend, or do we hide that part of our lives?  Coming out can be a full time job, when really it oughtn’t be.

The other double standard, of course, as well documented by history, is that there can be a severe price for coming out.  It has cost people their livelihoods.  It has cost people their lives.  We recently celebrated the 100th anniversary of the birth of Alan Turing, the genius who helped to crack the Nazi’s Enigma Code during World War II.  He’s also considered the father of modern computer science.  For his troubles, this war hero and innovator was charged with the UK’s arcane indecency laws — the same ones that got Oscar Wilde into trouble some 50 odd years earlier — and faced a choice of forced chemical castration or imprisonment.  He chose suicide.

We’ve come a long way from those dark days, but many, including those in the public eye, continue to find false refuge inside the closet.  The closet may keep you alive and employed, but it eats away at your soul.  The good news is that this is changing.  With each coming out, the closet walls are getting thinner and thinner.  When Jim Parsons came out a couple of weeks ago, many message board comments expressed astonishment over his age rather than his sexuality.  (“Really?  He’s 39???”)  None of the folks noted above have experienced lack of work after coming out.  As I said, Neil Patrick Harris is everywhere.  I think it’s safe to say that Mr. Cooper’s gigs will remain intact.  Even a generation ago, this would not have necessarily been the case.

The closet walls are thinning.  Soon they’ll be like wet crepe paper, where you can just step through them as if they weren’t there at all.

© 2012, gar. All rights reserved.

4 thoughts on “Wither the Closet”

  1. Dushuma says:
    July 12, 2012 at 4:04 am

    I should just add that what I mean is that some of these phrases or paragraphs I read over and over again.

    Reply
  2. Dushuma says:
    July 12, 2012 at 4:02 am

    Yesses (a South Africanism, expresses awe), it ranks with with some of your texts, K. Ako’s, excerpts from “A Mercy” by Morrison and Palimpsest by John Keene (If he can ever publish the full book!) I am truly grateful, have the album already and it is amazing! Get it!

    Reply
  3. Dushuma says:
    July 9, 2012 at 4:56 am

    GAR, I wonder what your thoughts are on Frank Ocean’s letter, if you have read it?

    Reply
    1. gar says:
      July 9, 2012 at 7:01 pm

      His letter is poetry and speaks from the heart. He should be proud of himself for posting it and we should be thankful that he did.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

SIN AGAINST THE RACE, a novel–Click image for info

Sin Against the Race

Contact

  • email gar

Twitter

Follow @the_gar_spot

Instagram

garmcveyrussell

Pride brunch. #pride #pridemonth #pridesunday #pr Pride brunch. 
#pride #pridemonth #pridesunday #prideday #pancakes #brunch
Dug up from the archives. I can’t believe we hav Dug up from the archives. I can’t believe we have to fight for this again. 
#abortionrights #abortionishealthcare #cisgaymanforchoice
Time to write more letters to encourage people to Time to write more letters to encourage people to vote. Tempus fugit.
#abortionrights #abortionishealthcare #roevwade #mymarriageisnext #voteblue #voterepublicansout
Pride flag over the Claremont Hotel. Don’t think Pride flag over the Claremont Hotel. Don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. 
#pride #pridemonth #berkeley
New outdoor dining set. #backporch #alfresco #hom New outdoor dining set. 
#backporch #alfresco #homedecor
Consulted with my editors this morning. I value th Consulted with my editors this morning. I value their feedback. 
#trees #hiking #oakland #writersofinstagram #iputmyfaithintrees
Remembering Roger Ebert on what would have been hi Remembering Roger Ebert on what would have been his 80th birthday. 
#rogerebert #writer #legend #cancersucks
Fly me to the moon (not pictured) Let me play amon Fly me to the moon (not pictured)
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter (the brighter one) and Mars
#backyardastronomy #jupiter #mars #predawn #goodmorning
A gorgeous day at the #oaklandgreekfestival #oakla A gorgeous day at the #oaklandgreekfestival #oakland #greekfestival #greek #music #food #ilovemycity
I used to rock the hell out of these. Cards of dis I used to rock the hell out of these. Cards of discovery and endless possibilities. I still miss them. 
#cardcatalog #library #knowledge #og #searchengine
A sunny Saturday in 1990 found my sister Tania (@m A sunny Saturday in 1990 found my sister Tania (@makeuptogoblog) and I outside of the Julia Morgan Center waiting. I had seen the great Maestro Pt. Shivkumar Sharma in LA—he even autographed an album for me. And I was studying tabla with his accompanist Ud. Zakir Hussain at the time. We couldn’t wait. But wait we did, because the maestros weren’t there. As my sister and I stood at the front of the line, they came. Ud. Zakirji was laughing and joking. Pt. Shivji looked as if he floated in as he passed and entered the theater. After we got settled in our seats, it was on. A beautiful concert with the two maestros playing rapturously, holding us spellbound. Pt. Shivji floated in like a deity and played to the heavens, taking us all with him. By far one of my favorite concerts. 

Words cannot describe how devastated I am at the great master’s passing. His gifts to music and the world are incalculable. My condolences to Panditji’s family, to @zakirhq9 , and to all who loved his beautiful music. #ptshivkumarsharma #indianclassicalmusic #santoor #rip
This makes me very happy. #oaklandgreekfestival # This makes me very happy. 
#oaklandgreekfestival #theyreback #yahoo #greek #oakland #ilovemycity
Happy 85th Birthday to legendary Maestro Ron Carte Happy 85th Birthday to legendary Maestro Ron Carter! The most recorded bassist in history, he was a huge inspiration for my late brother Robert. And he continues to inspire bassists and musicians to this day. 
#happybirthday #roncarter #legend #bassist #jazz #music
Dinner on the back porch. #alfresco #dinner #pizza Dinner on the back porch. #alfresco #dinner #pizza #arizmendi #evening
My sacred music day where I pay homage to Duke Ell My sacred music day where I pay homage to Duke Ellington (1899-1974) and Ustad Alla Rakha (1919-2000) on their shared birthday. This year I’m also celebrating the 100th birthday anniversary of harmonica and whistling maestro Toots Thielemans (1922-2016). Enjoy the music of all of these legends! ✌🏾 ❤️ 🎶 
#dukeellington #allarakha #abbaji #tootsthielemans #centenary #happybirthday #music
Happy Birthday Ella Fitzgerald! Born on this day i Happy Birthday Ella Fitzgerald! Born on this day in 1917. 
#ella #ellafitzgerald #firstladyofsong #jazz
It’s the only home we got. Let’s treat it with It’s the only home we got. Let’s treat it with respect and love. 
#earthday #earthday2022 #home #planet #environment
A harrowing day, but it ended safely. I’m home n A harrowing day, but it ended safely. I’m home now with a nice cup of tea. ☕️ 
#berkeley #shelterinplace #allclear #home #tea #murchies
This pale blue beauty is destined to become part o This pale blue beauty is destined to become part of my #sundaybrunch #pancakes. Fresh from my next door neighbor!
Celebrating the centenary of a great musician. Hap Celebrating the centenary of a great musician. Happy 100th Birthday Ustad Ali Akbar Khan Sahib!!! His great legacy lives on. 
#aliakbarkhan #centenary #indianclassicalmusic #sarode
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Facebook

Subscribe by email:

Archives

Blogroll

  • Life During Wartime – The Trump Years
  • Patricia Dunn – Author
  • Philip Robinson, poet
  • The Outspoken – You're Welcome
  • Uppity Negro Network

Interests

  • Cassini Probe @ Saturn
  • Daily Kos
  • Doctor Who
  • KCSM – Jazz 91
  • Makeup to Go!
  • The Root

Tags

99% african-american AIDS Bay Area bigotry Billy Strayhorn black Black Lives Matter climate change Duke Ellington dystopia dystopian fiction gay growing up gay healthcare history homophobia jazz LGBT LGBTQ literature marriage equality music North Korea novel Oakland police brutality politics queer queerlit queer lit racism rant reading Religion Republicans Romney SATR science fiction Sin Against the Race Trayvon Martin Trump women in jazz writing

Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
©2022 the gar spot | Theme by SuperbThemes